Tuesday, 22 July 2014

10 bad habits the human race should never give up

1. Eating in bed
There is nothing quite like the satisfaction of being tucked up in bed with a cup of tea in one hand and a mountain of toast in the other. Although sleeping on a bed sheet lined with crumbs and waking up with legs like like giant strips of breaded chicken is not the most pleasant of experiences, we can all definitely benefit from being super duper comfy whilst partaking in the most enjoyable experience of all: eating.                                              

2. Oversharing
It is true to say that we are now living in the age of oversharing. From angry Facebook statuses about our past relationships to tweets about our daily mishaps, heck, even snapchatting your latest bowel movement is apparently a thing now. Giving away too much online is a habit that has creeped upon us rapidly in the last few years. But over sharing is not necessarily a bad thing, despite endless mutterings of how 'no one cares about what you had for breakfast', it makes for great entertainment and when you look back in years to come atleast there will be some hard evidence to prove how much of an awful person you were.                                         

3. Spending longer than necessary in the shower
Sometimes, the mere thought of having to eventually get out of the shower is enough to put you off going in entirely. The sad disappointment of pressing the off button is often just too much to handle; that sort of sudden temperature change is in no way natural, therefore stubbornly delaying it and spending up to 45 minutes showering is perfectly acceptable. Not to mention the comfort that can be found in being drenched in warm water, sometimes it’s so easy forget that showers are designed to help keep us clean and not to act as a big hug when our friends aren't around. Long live the shower!                                                  

4. Drinking straight from the carton
Because sometimes, reaching into the cupboard for a measly little glass is just too much effort.                                                              

5. Skipping workouts
There are certain times in life when working out is the last thing you want to be doing, like when you eat three breakfasts and appear to be hoarding a cantaloupe under your vest. No matter how many times you designate workout days and swear you’ll stick to them, skipping workouts is inevitable. It might be good for you too, if you believe in following your instincts and all that. Who knows what might happen if you go ahead with that 5k jog? You could trip, fall and end up hurting yourself real bad. And we definitely wouldn't want that to happen.

6. Swearing
The great British swear word, what a wonderful tool to use! Use it at your own peril and try to avoid being TOO loud - you might gain some wary glances. But no one can deny the soothing, pain killing abilities of blurting out the F word after violently stubbing your big toe. There might even be scientific evidence to back it up, too.                                

7. Licking the spoon whilst baking
The only reason that you really wanted to help bake a cake aged 7 is now a recipe (get it?) for disaster, what with the risks of salmonella and what not. But if what you're baking is eggless, and no one else is around, licking the spoon is possibly the best thing about baking. In fact, they should even invent recipes that are the perfect amounts of sickly and sticky purely for our spoon licking past times. Watch this space.

8. The telephone voice
This is one we are all guilty of, whether it’s intentional or not. The telephone voice, albeit annoying and fake, is probably one of the best things to come out of technology. It allows us to sound friendly and engaged when really our faces look about as entertained as a sack of potatoes on market day. If you haven’t already mastered the art of telephone voicing then you probably sound like a mono-tonal robot. Get practicing.

9. The bullshit 'I'm on my way now' text
We've all done it. Your due to meet your best friend in 10 minutes but you're still at home deciding whether wearing a dress on a windy day is such a good idea after all. Your friend suddenly texts you 5 times to make sure that you're on your way and that you won’t leave her waiting (again), so you reply almost automatically with the infamous 'I'm on my way now' text - despite knowing that you won't be ready to leave for atleast another 15 minutes. But hey, your friend is probably still at home too, waiting to catch the end of This Morning.

10. Reading the final page of the book before reaching the second chapter 
Oh the joys of being impatient! Even if the initial two chapters reveal nothing about the plot ahead, reading the final page of the book is just as satisfying - and guilty - as number 7. And anyway, it’s always good to build yourself up for the death of main characters. That shit is painful.